Pick me, John Key

I am so upset, folks. I found something out on Sunday- something that crushed my self-esteem and left me feeling jealous and rejected. Folks, I am not on John Key’s fuck list. I was truly shocked to hear this, and am so very, very jealous of Liz Hurley and Jessica Alba, because I wish that a slimy, disingenuous man who does a piss-poor job of running our country thought that I was “not too bad”.


I laughed long and loud at Dean Lonergan’s total brain fart of a comment that because I find Key’s comments to be awful that I must just be jealous

“Those women who might be upset at his comments are obviously just disappointed they never made John Key’s list and never will.”

Wait, you mean not only do I not make the list now, but I never will? Never??? Surely there’s something I can do, something I can change..I can change John, I can!

Yeah. The idea that I’m angry because I’m jealous? Ridiculous. In reality, the idea of ever being called “pretty hot” by John Key makes me feel ill. I feel glad not to be on that list, not jealous, because any dude who behaves like such a cliche of what masculinity sounds like is not a dude I want to be complimented by. I like my men to not describe me as a “benefit that comes with the job”, kthnx.

What was additionally gross was the comment made by Lonergan attempting to explain why there’s nothing wrong with what Key said

“He’s a normal man who expresses normal manly sentiments from time to time.”

Shit, how much do I hate people spouting ideas about masculinity and femininity and the normal ways of showing performing those things and being male or female. Come on ladies! He’s just being a guy! That lovable scamp! What a charmer! A smooth-talker! He’s just an aficionado of women, ya know? Just expressing normal, everyday, totally red-blooded heterosexual dudely thoughts. ┬áDon’t hate the player, hate the game!

I hate the word manly (unless used with a supremely sarcastic tone by someone mocking gender stereotypes). You know what I think when I hear someone use the word manly?

Yep, when Dean Lonergan defends John Key’s stupid comments by calling them “normal manly sentiments”, the sounds of Tim Allen’s ‘manly’ grunting fills my head. That’s the first thing I think of when I hear the word manly, the association I have with the word. A pathetic caricature of a man grunting enthusiastically to express his manliness. I guess my view is a little different to those who would consider this descriptor as some sort of legitimate defense of reasonable actions.


  1. Ladybroseph says:

    Brilliant! I’m so glad you decided to write about this. I might just link to it the next time it comes up on my news feed. I was really disappointed when a friend of mine said something along the lines of ‘well the woman who wrote this would obviously say that it’s inappropriate and misogynistic and because… Look at her!’ I didn’t realise that the way you looked precluded having an opinion.

    • steph says:

      Well, ugly women have problems with harmless incidents like this because secretly, deep-down, they’re just jealous but don’t want to/can’t say that so have to lash out by saying that it’s inappropriate/misogynist. If hot women had a problem with this, it would surely only be because they were brainwashed by the feminists. So yeah, the way you look does apparently affect the truth/reliability of what you are saying.

  2. stef says:

    The person I feel sorry for in this is Key’s wife…. who presumably is the person he is fucking. Not that I give a fuck about the prime minister’s sex life.

    • steph says:

      I’ve read plenty of people saying “Oh, bet she’s got a list of dudes she thinks are hot, too! So why the problem?”. Yeah, maybe she does have a list. But that’s really missing the point.

  3. Amanda says:

    Oh lawdy, hearing that many Tim Allen grunts all in one space does my head in. It makes me realize how very one joke his whole routine and show was…and I used to kinda like Home Improvement way back when. Now when I rewatch it I realize what a load of gender essentialist bullshit it was.

    “Tool” time indeed. And that goes for you too John Key. Not enough soap can wash that shudder from my mind and skin… bleeeeeeuuuurggghhh.

    • steph says:

      Yeah, I used to watch Home Improvement when it was on on weeknights- but I think I was fairly young and definitely didn’t get how awful it was!

      And yes, tool time indeed…haha

  4. Boganette says:

    John Key is just revolting.

  5. Amanda says:

    Oh gawd, the follow up:


    “Despite criticisms from women’s rights campaigner Sue Kedgley – who the Mail said went after Key with “talons sharpened” [run Key, the feminazi is out to get youuuuu!!!] – the Prime Minister was unfazed by the implications he’d said something wrong.”

    Privilege Denying PM says: wut? wut dididoo wrung?

    • steph says:

      Oh em gee, did he really “claim she would be flattered with his endorsement”. First of all, she isn’t a washing machine being given a sticker of approval. Secondly, REALLY???!?! Does he think that she would love a compliment from him because he’s John Key, super-desirable stud muffin, or does he think she would be flattered because surely every woman loves to be told she’s hot? Because either way, FUCK. Head-fucking-desk. FUCK. I am so enraged at that statement. I bet it’s the second one: obvs ladies love compliments, amirite?

      And that “talons sharpened” dig is pathetic. I’m sick of a woman getting angry being brushed off as either catty anger (as in this case) or overreaction. Dudes don’t own anger.

      I want to start a Privilege Denying PM meme. That would be amazing.

      • Amanda says:

        I also “loved” how a woman (note that, very important) from a PR company said it was totes ok! Nothing like the PDPM with his very own “my female…cough..FRIEND sez its OK so its OK!”

        I wouldn’t be at all surprised at conflict of interest there (ie: is that the PM’s PR company?)

        • steph says:

          Yeah, I saw that, and thought it was ridic. Slimy, arrogant misogyny is a good image to convey? Oh, just trying to modernize him, give him a casual, hip image. Vom.

  6. Rageaholic says:

    Interesting differences between the Herald follow-up (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10703662) and the Stuff one – the Herald doesn’t mention the talons, and has more of an “OMG England has noticed this!” take on the situation.

    But the worst, absolutely disgusting thing about all of this is “Mr Key said he would be having a regular weekly spot on the radio show with Veitch, and that he was comfortable with that.” Every abuser out there can see this and say “see, even the PM thinks Tony Veitch is a good guy. There’s nothing really wrong with what I’m doing!”

    I’m so angry I might vomit.

    • Amanda says:

      The man is absolutely fucking clueless about the endorsement he’s giving.

    • steph says:

      Urgh, I didn’t hear about the regular spot thing. Honestly, it basically sends a message that he’s endorsing abuse. Sick. It would be such a great situation to make a stand: saying “No, I’ve decided not to associate with Tony Veitch because he is a violent abuser” would be amazing. But I guess decency is too much to expect.

  7. Amanda says:

    Oh Cheezus Chrust MAKE IT STOP. It’s become a media cycle…I was hoping it would die on the one article *sob*


    • steph says:

      Vom. One can only hope that something scandalous happens that will cause the media to drop this bone.

      Also, Phil Goff? Dude, you didn’t need to join in! Although I suppose if he hadn’t and had just said “Oh, this is an irrelevant and stupid questions” he would’ve been denounced for being a weird old man who’s nothing like a typical Kiwi bloke. Or called gay or something. Argh.

  8. Amanda says:

    “John is the key to my heart?” “Goff is the red I want in my bed?”


    *curls up in a little shivering ball*

  9. Anonymous lady. says:

    It is offensive to me that neither one of them cares that they have behaved like neanderthals and shown a lack of respect towards women. There is a time and place for talking about who you would sleep with and it is not on the air.

    • steph says:

      Yes, absolutely. Especially when you are the PM in a public situation, or the opposition leader. If either of them want to discuss it with their mates over a beer, well I can’t stop them. But on the radio is not the place to do it.

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