I normally just caress the wine bottle when I’m eating dinner with a dude

Generally I quite enjoy The Frisky; it’s fun, and picks up on feminist issues that I see on other feminist blogs/sites that I read. However, I was a bit underwhelmed by a post last week on ‘How to Eat Sexy’. In case you are curious, how you do this is:

1. Eat small bites, because it makes your lips look bigger

2. Choose foods that are good to eat with your fingers (strawberries, grapes, chocolate) because this brings another sensory element into play.

3. Make eye contact, so the person you’re with knows you want him in your mouth like the piece of food you are eating.

4. Let the food linger on your lips, savouring it.

5. Share your food with him.

6. Keep a napkin handy, so if you make a mess doing a sexy food move you can clean up like a lady.

7. “Food For Thought. You don’t need a banana, lollipop or any other kind of food phallus to make it hot. And sometimes those items are a little too obvious. I would argue that regular, everyday food is better. It’s more of a surprise than the pressure of “I’m licking this to turn you on.”  When it comes to eating seductively, it’s all you. You can make anything, including any food, sexy”.

8. “Swallow”. Make sure you chew and especially swallow. There’s a lot in the swallow; don’t try to hide it. No turtlenecks allowed”

9. No slurping, burping, or making noise, even when sipping wine.

10. “Look like you’re enjoying it. Duh. Although, taking it to the whole ‘When Harry Met Sally’ sandwich level is too far. Stay cool”

As one of the commentors on the article said,

When I started reading The Frisky, it made fun of Cosmo. Now, it IS Cosmo. What the f**k happened, Frisky???

My thoughts exactly. I don’t pretend to believe that The Frisky is super heavy, all the time serious stuff, but this is more Cosmo than I have come to expect. Look like you’re enjoying it? What about ‘if the food is good, feel free to express your enjoyment visibly’ ?

5 Comments

  1. Boganette says:

    Oh God so now we have to be sexy while we eat? I feel ill.

    This made me laugh though: “Make eye contact, so the person you’re with knows you want him in your mouth like the piece of food you are eating.” – Seriously? When I’m eating I am not thinking about having a dick in my mouth. That would not make me enjoy my food. I mean is that not what they’re talking about? When I’m eating I want to think about what I’m eating. I certainly don’t want to think about jizz either.

    And WTF is a “sexy food move”?

    • steph says:

      Yeah, I tend not to eat lots of giant bratwursts and bananas and lollipops, so I usually tend to be thinking about food and not dick while I’m eating. Weird like that.

      My fave is swallow. Hey ladies, did you know it isn’t enough to put food in your mouth: part of the eating process is swallowing it! So do that! And don’t worry, because the dudes find it hot, so you’re allowed to do it!

  2. The Frisque says:

    Thanks Lady, this is some good advice! Here’s a few pointers for the guys:

    1. Usually buying dinner is enough. (If you don’t know this you’ve never seen a little thing called television).

    2. Eat small bites, it will make you appear bigger. Also make sure to dine at a very small restaurant, and sit in a baby’s high chair – you’ll appear big and tall!

    3. Never, ever eat anything phallic. Hot-dogs are really great, but save it for behind closed doors.

    4. Make eye contact. Do not break it. If she glances at your mouth for even a second she’ll realize you eat like a slob.

    5. Don’t swallow. Again, don’t want to appear to be that way.