sexism

Equal oppourtunity sexism!

Posted in advice, sexism on September 1st, 2010 by steph – 3 Comments

Well, I guess all those facetious requests for equal-oppourtunity patronising, stereotype-based advice were finally heard…

’20 Things Your Boyfriend Should Forgive You For’.

and

22 Things You Should Forgive Your Boyfriend For’.

So, first up: things you did that your boyfriend should forgive you for. These include suffocating him with your nail polish fumes, and cheating in him with a move star.

What do you need to forgive him for? Wearing “mandals” and leaving the cap off the toothpaste.

In all seriousness, though, some of the tips are, as Melissa points out, are actually worrying. You should forgive him for repeatedly trying to talk you into anal sex? Um, nup. Any person (male or female) who badgers the other for something sexual (that clearly they aren’t saying yes to, given that they are trying to talk you into it repeatedly) doesn’t deserve a free pass for it. Have you heard of consent? Because it isn’t being given. Asking is one thing; repeatedly trying to talk someone into something is another.

And lots of these seems to be just veiled go-aheads to excuse some genuinely shitty behaviour; behaviour that would be shitty in or out of a romantic relationship. Throwing away his nasty shoes that he loves for no reason? “Accidentally” deleting a recorded program of his so you can make room for something of yours? Reading the subjects and senders of mail in his inbox just because it’s open on the screen? Apparently we are supposed to be ok with people doing passive-aggressive stuff in relationships.

And some of the tips are just pointless, and assume that all men and all women do the same things and feel the same way. Why assume that a woman wouldn’t already be ok with her boyfriend looking at porn? Maybe they watch together, or she watches, or he isn’t ok with porn. I suppose that, given this is an advice list after all, it will pretty much be solely based on stereotypes, but I’m sure there are some genuine tips on this topic in there somewhere. Although the thing about forgiveness is that it really is very, very person-dependent, and for some people the toilet seat up/toothpaste cap off/15 minutes late without a text wont be a big deal, and for others it will be a total dealbreaker. So I suppose it is really a case of trying to churn out a list of definitive answers for a question where there isn’t one. Still, I’m not down with these lists at all.

Pyramid of Egregiousness

Posted in change it, Feminism, sexism on September 1st, 2010 by steph – Comments Off on Pyramid of Egregiousness

Courtesy of Name It, Change It: the Pyramid of Egregiousness. (Scroll over the segments for reveal).